Big Trouble In Little China
Holy crap this movie is incredible. It has nearly everything; Chinese magic, gang wars, Raiden from Mortal Kombat, a floating eyeball blob thing, that lady from Sex In the City, trucks, and most of all... Kurt mothaeffin Russell! If that doesn't get you giddy, I don't know what will. But maybe this will help.
You see, there's a war going on in Chinatown. It's true. And at the middle of it all is a green-eyed Chinese girl who happens to be the girlfriend of a kung-fu master and best friend of truck-driver Jack Burton. And then a guy who looks like the Mandarin gets hit by a semi while screaming light and it all goes downhill from there. Downhill... into the underworld! There, Jack and Co. must save the girl and fight Thunder, Lightning, and Rain, along with some weird monsters and partner with pretty much the gnarliest magician ever.
Also it's been suggested that the movie is a parable of the United States vs. the Axis of Evil. Which means the U.S. of A is a tank top-wearing, truck driving, uzi wielding, womanizing man's man with a penchant for ranting into a CB radio. Sounds about right.
Danger: Diabolik
This is the sexiest movie ever created and there's not even any real nudity in it (spoiler alert!). Made by Mario Bava, the Italian filmmaker credited with the most awesome movie titles ever (The Day the Sky Exploded, Kill, Baby... Kill!, Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs) and based on an old pulp comic character, Diabolik is about the greatest thief the world has ever known. So great that he doesn't even have a real name or at least one that's spelled correctly.
From the first scene, we can tell that the Italian government is screwed and there is no remorse for them. In fact, over the course of the film, it's almost certain that Diabolik completely bankrupts the entire country. And do you know what he does with all that money? He rolls around in it with his crazy-hot girlfriend, Eva Kant, a name so infuriating to Diabolik that he must constantly steal more shiney things just to prove her wrong.
There is almost nothing wrong with this movie. And anything that seems like it should be wrong (like taking a 10 minute sequence to stow stolen goods in his underground hideout or the one song on the soundtrack that they have to use over and over), immediately becomes super cool because, hey, it's Diabolik and for some reason we can see his mouth through his mask! Radical.
Wild Zero
Have you ever sat in a bar and stared at someone, trying to figure out if they're a boy or a girl and then wondering if you're attracted to them and, in turn, what that means for your sexual identity? That's what Wild Zero is like but with more zombies. Life-changing.
Let me break it down: when aliens visit Earth and start turning you and me into the brain-hungry undead, our only protection is the Ramones-loving Japanese punk band Guitar Wolf, which includes members Guitar Wolf (uhh), Bass Wolf and (wait for it...) Drum Wolf. But they're so busy and so damn important that it takes their #1 fan and rock n'roll blood-brother, Ace, and his androgyneous maybe-girl/boyfriend Tobio to assemble the heroes and unleash what is probably the greatest final showdown created since Dead or Alive.
You come for the zombies and stay for the 'Wolf. Why? Because they rock so hard that their microphones breathe fire and lightning shoots out of their guitars and the big battle at the end between the Captain, the naked girl with a gun, and a whole mess of zombies features so many unbelievably awesome moments that my fingers literally don't know how to translate my thoughts into words. It's so great that if someone said to me, "which one's better, Machine Girl or Wild Zero?" I would simply convulse and then punch that person in the throat Liam Neeson-style and probably have to move away to a new town to start my life all over again, trying to forget that question for the rest of my days.
Or I'd just go with Empire Strikes Back. But still.